Ode to The Boob

Everyone needs a bosom for a pillow

I am a human dummy. The Monkey adores the Boob. He gently caresses it with his malcoordinated fists. Sometimes he takes a dive for it with a hungry grunt. He just cannot get enough of my boobies.

The Boob is the only thing guaranteed to stop tears, or send him off to sleep. Sometimes just having his head resting on my ample bosom - the nipple just in reach - keeps him calm. The Boob is even better than the miracle sling (which seems to be losing its magic touch recently) and comes up trumps against Mummy's Fat Friend's dulcet tones singing George Michael's 'Faith'. Sometimes I catch The Monkey sleep sucking as if he's dreaming of it.

Consequently I have a tendency to shove The Magic Boob into the Monkey's mouth whenever he grumbles. And I think The Monkey may now have an addiction. I swear he gets withdrawal jitters. And he's mastered the art of doing his 'hungry' sign, even when he's clearly full to bursting. I fall for it every time. Like a dummy...

I'm starting to wonder if he'll ever be able to sleep without a quick suckle on the nip. The sensible thing would be for Bubba to suck to his heart's content on a dummy. But, oh no, a dummy isn't nearly as warm and squidgy and comforting as Mummy's boobies. Am I destined to whip the baps out every time he melts down in public? Breastfeeding is one thing. But negotiating the supermarket with a nip poised in wee one's mouth to stop him screaming, is that socially acceptable?

Rock a bye baby

Just had to record this...bubba is asleep in his rocking chair. Shhhhh. No need for 'hush little baby' sung out of key over and over again...No need for pacing the corridors...No need for jiggling him up and down until i get a stitch. Not even any need for dancing madly round the living room to Viva La Vida or swaying seductively to Bob M. The Monkey has fallen asleep to the hypnotic lull of the rocking chair. How long will it last? Right...quick...cup of tea...nail varnish....bathroom cleaner...ikea flat pack. Let's do it all NOW.

Ps have been reading up on sleep and i totally get the whole 'awake' time and the 'window' and not over stimulating wee one. But what happens if he sleeps.for just 45mins. If you've done it by the book, that's 60mins awake time + 10mins soothing, + 45mins sleeping =approx 2hrs. What about that last hour? The Other Book says you're meant to stretch feeds to 3hrs. That leaves nearly 30-60mins or more until the monkey eats. Do we just hang around twiddling our thumbs? Or does the stopwatch on awake time start again and we then rush through Bubba's dinner to try and beat the clock for the next window?? Aaaaah. Can't cope. You know what - sod the book. And instead worship the rocker chair, or the sling, or Coldplay. All this soothing, rocking and dancing cant be bad for the post pregnancy muffin top or bingo wings.

Attachment parenting

Snug as a bug in his sling

Turns out we're doing 'attachment parenting'. Sadly it isnt intentional.
The Monkey - now 8 weeks old and growing bigger by the day - has been stuck to us since day 1. In a sling. On a shoulder. Jiggling on the knee at restaurants.  It's not the monkey's fault. Somewhere along the line we just forgot to put him down. And now he cries everytime we do.
He'll sleep for hours curled on my chest. Put him in his cot and he'll last 15 mins tops.
Secretly i love it. There's nothing better than having his hot bod against my soft belly, listening to his purring and chirupping and kissing his wee balding head with its fuzzy regrowth. Not to mention having a legitimate excuse to snuggle on the sofa and watch rubbish american sitcoms for hours in the afternoon. MIL(mother in law) says she's never seen anything like it. Not sure whether to take this as a compliment or not?
But 8 weeks has gone by and well i need to get off my fat ass and sort my life out. Have girlfriends coming to stay while Mummy's Fat Friend* is on a stag - i need to get it together and create the illusion of having everything under control. Oh boy.

*My husband, the Monkey's dad. He made it  up, not me!!

Daddy's turn...hmmmm, nothing beats a beer belly.

Meet the Monkey*

We've made it past the 6week** milestone so I thought now would be a good time to get back to blogging.
Where do I start?! Well, I'm now a mummy to a gorgeous baby boy.

I won't go into the deets of the birth. Let's just say we got through all the Mars bars and energy food in my labour pack (courtesy of katie - see pic). I also got to test out most things: pessary induction, drip (syntocin), epidural, venteuse, forceps - was v close to having c-section but Bubba finally decided to make an appearance. The only thing i didnt test drive was the thing i wanted - water. But there's always next time!!

*Hope you don't mind me referring to our Darling One as the Monkey. It's something our NCT leader said about how babies have 'monkey' brains until they're 2 years old and empathy kicks in. It kind of stuck.

**Please forgive typos and strangely positioned full stops - I'll mostly be blogging one handed on my phone (with the Monkey inevitably hanging off my boob or asleep on my belly - multi-tasking, don't you love it?) and the full stop is right by space button!